Barbie had a good reason not to go to class. Barbie was ugly. Her scalp was bare with only a few tiny tufts of straw-like hairy stuff poking out. She wore too much blue eye shadow, and had a terrible habit of always looking to her right. Everybody hated Barbie, even though she was richer than all the rich people at school combined. One day, though, she was sneaking home after making a fake report card in the computer lab, and happened to pass by the football field where practice was starting. The most popular boy in the school was standing in the middle of the field in a football uniform. His name was Ken, and he hated Barbie, but he loved her money. Ken saw Barbie, cringed, but waved, as did the rest of the football team. Barbie tried to find a bush to hide behind, but there were none in sight. Ken walked up the slope and asked Barbie if she could watch their football practice. Barbie agreed nervously, and she stood by the sidelines, not knowing at all what to do as she had no idea what she was watching or what this strange sport was. Later, as football practice ended, Ken offered Barbie a ride home. She climbed onto his motorcycle, and they rode to her mansion in silence. As they approached the gate, Ken whispered in Barbie’s ear; “Nice house. But, really, it would be better if you got a haircut.”
Barbie ran off of the motorcycle, crying as she ran inside and into her room. She vowed to get a good hair treatment and to prove Ken wrong.
The next day, Barbie cut class and drove to the hair salon. When she walked in and checked herself in, she could hear everybody whispering about her. When it was her turn, they poked and prodded her hair until it became a shiny, glistening pile of golden locks that made everybody stop and stare in awe. Barbie was overjoyed, and drove home in a frenzy. When she arrived at home, she called everybody to her house for a huge party to celebrate her new hairdo. It was the largest party in history, lasting three days and three nights. When it was all over, Barbie ran to her room and pushed all of the streamers off of her bed. She couldn’t wait to go to school the next day, and be part of the “cool crew”. She wanted Ken all to herself, and couldn’t wait to come to his football practices and be a cheerleader and wear his letterman jacket like a badge. She fell asleep peacefully that night.
When Barbie woke up the next morning, she rushed to the mirror and began her new and improved routine for two hours: brush, straighten, brush, curl, apply makeup, brush, comb, wash, comb, blow dry, straighten, brush, and stare in the mirror. After two hours, she looked the same and put on her clothes and got in the car to go to school. When she arrived, she saw the cool group of girls and expected them to call her over like they did during the party. But when Barbie turned around, they were running away from her and giggling. Their hair bounced behind them and wait...they had split ends? Unevenness? PUFFINESS? What was going on?!
“Hey Barbie! Check it out!” Barbie spun around, and nearly bumped into Ken on his skateboard. His head was completely bald and dyed purple and orange. He threw a newspaper at Barbie that read HIGH SCHOOL HERALD, the school newspaper. And then she gasped; in bold lettering on the front page read, UGLY IS THE NEW PRETTY: Ugly to become the new trend of the new age! Barbie cried out in agony, and fell to the ground in a heap. Students ran to her side, and checked her pulse. Nothing. Barbie died of being rejected.